Cribs are for BABIES!

I know that I often complain about the mundane. People have said I should pick and choose my battles. But there comes a time when the law must be laid down. Now is one of those times. I love my family. They all have hearts the size of Vermont. They mean well. But, when my kids go to bed, I put them in bed and walk away. Let me rephrase that. I lay them down in the bed, cover them with one blanket, and I walk away. I do that with both my 1-year old son and his crib, and I do that with my 3-year old daughter and her toddler bed. Plain and simple, or so it seems, until someone else puts them to bed with the complete set of Ken Burn's new documentary on Cricket in the U.K., a satellite dish, a can opener, some packing peanuts, a 70R14 spare tire and a can of tomato juice. Allow me to explain.

I heard my son crying very early this morning. Normally, he rises with the sun, and in this case, he was somewhat on cue, and normally I just go back in and comfort him, letting him know the sun is not going to explode, all is well, and please lay back down because Daddy cannot seem to open his eyes. This trip was different. I went to lay him back down and the source of his aggravation made sense as I saw what was in his sleeping space. 4 blankets, 6 books, a pacifier (which he has never ever used to this point), some packing tape, a change jar, an unopened can of SPAM, a 1168 color box of Crayons, coloring books, a half eaten Subway Club, some shoes and a 5-gallon bucket of base coat from Sherwin Williams. Ok, some of that was made up, like the books.....but, the crib is for sleeping time. It is not a storage space for pack rats. It is not comforting to sleep with a cord of unchopped wood next to you, so for the love of God, why would you want to put a set of the Encyclopedia Brittanica in with a child? We are not in the Polar North, 8 Below...so what is with the 17 layers of blankets? The poor kid was swimming with rayon fibers and Dr. Seuss, times 27. So instead of him saying, "DAD I AM AWAKE AND HUNGRY," his message was different. "DAD....I FOUND ALL OF YOUR SINGLE SOCK PARTNERS, SOME MOON ROCKS AND THE YO-YO YOU LOST WHEN YOU WERE 4..." I scooped up the extraneous items and threw them on the floor, leaving him with one blanket and his body, covered him up and his eyes closed almost instantly, as if to say, "thank you for removing the modeling glue, the fumes were giving me a headache," and off to sleep he went.

But now I have another problem.....the 70R14 spare tire made a hole in the floor when I tossed it out of the crib. Thank God I have extra blankets to cover it....