How To Eat Like a College Student

I heard of a great recipe that I just had to share. It is fairly inexpensive, depending on the volume prepared and can last in room temperature for days since it contains 92% preservatives and additives. Ready? This is exciting. It is almost like sharing the winning Lotto numbers. Here goes.

12 cups water

12 chicken bullion cubes

12 hot dogs (not cut up, but whole)

12 chicken breasts (dicing is optional)

12 pounds of pepper to taste

Throw all this shit in a pot and boil it up. Eat.


Now I need to add that there are some food groups missing from this recipe. That's OK. The dysentery alone will make absorption of this meal impossible. The oil glistening on the top of the broth can also serve as an industrial solvent to get out those "hard to reach stain" areas of the space shuttle. Expect flatulence. Not the kind you like to smell yourself, but the kind that require crime scene tape to be put around your home. Most farts expelled after eating this meal will require OSHA approval prior to release. Please consult your local OSHA office for further instructions. The meal serves a dual purpose. All family members can partake in this culinary treat. Hot-dogs for the kids, and a heart chicken soup for the adults. Sort of like frosted mini-wheats. A sweet side for the kid in you, and the whole wheat goodness for the adult in you. This is replaced with LIPS AND ASSHOLES FOR ALL YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, AND I WILL JUST SIT ON THE JOHN FOR A WEEK! It is a time saver for most men as frequent trips to the bathroom give you solace, while your exploding colon keeps you company. I saw a FAQ (frequently asked question) forum board below this recipe and I will post some of the important ones below. Oh, and incidentally on a scale of 1-5, most readers have simply died prior to rating.

Question : I talked to my doctor about keeping this "soup" out overnight and he said that I will get salmonella and die. Is this true? - Betty, 87, Corona, CA

Dear Betty - First of all, at 87, you are going to die anyway, so go out with a bang...literally. Secondly, salmonella is tame compared to the bowel obstruction you are going to get, followed by foul emission from your pores. Best of luck though!

Question : Can I add vegetables to this soup? I don't see any vegetables in the soup. I really like to add a variety of things to my soups. - Rick, 24, San Fran

Dear Rick - yeah.....you like soups so much and you are 24...in San Francisco....this tells me that you are gay. Sure, add vegetables, but I am going to guess you get plenty of fruit in your diet already....homo.

Question : I like to go to the store every day and buy meaningless shit to cook for my family, both with little nutritional value and taste. It seems to me this soup is just right. But my wife, who was born when I was 19, is really an awesome woman who doesn't seem to appreciate my lack of creativity. Any suggestions? - Confused in OR

Dear Confused - this is easy. Die. Eat the soup. Eat nothing else. Be boring....it will all work out the way it is supposed to. This is not creative. This is boring. Ugandans would turn this stuff down. Moron....


(Noodles optional)