Customer Service

It is a word that defines itself by simply existing. If someone works in customer service, you can ask specifics I suppose, but their job really boils down to making the customer happy. Am I wrong? How complicated is that? Apparently, very hard if you work for Clearwire.

I called them the other day to let them now I was dissatisfied with my wireless reception. My demeanor, in my opinion was fine. I started off rather friendly and professional, even asking the MALE on the other end of the line how the weather was in New Delhi, just as a joke. Turns out, he was in Denver, and thought I was making fun of him. By the sounds of it, he was as white as Britney Spears' wedding dress. OK, maybe a little more caucasian than that. With all of the outsourcing going on these days, I figured it would be a "break the ice" type of comment. I was mistaken. A friend of his was laid off because his job was sent overseas. I asked what his friend did. He said, "he was a customer service agent, just like me!" Feeling like a dick for not knowing this before hand (believe it or not, the number listed on the website did not indicate that some people were laid off. BIG shock, I know), I apologized...and then did something I should regret, but don't.

I snickered.

As if I had just lit a pack of 10,000 firecrackers under his wheeling chair, I got laid into about how the economy sucks, and that he could lose his job any minute to some Ishtar in Pakistan and to have some sympathy. The guy had kids.

Right. OK, I said, and I asked his name. "GREG!" he replied. Cool. Greg, listen to what I am going to tell you because....well, I love you like the sister I never had. I have kids, Greg. I was laid off. Yet, I am not screaming. As you can see I am rather patient and calm. So either, (A) you need to cut back on the caffeine intake. Or (B) take a bottle of Goldenseal before lunch, eat a dozen poppyseed muffins, eat some cocoa powder so that you have every excuse to tell your employers you cannot go piss in a cup for at least a week and then DETOX! Your job will be outsourced because dicks like you that act pissy on the phone for making an hourly wage that may be unacceptable to you are a dime a dozen over in Islamabad. Let me ask you something, GREG, did someone put a gun to your head when you signed your offer letter?

No, he said.

Then stop acting like a child and give me some assistance with my problem

OK, he said. How may I help YOU?

I want to talk to your supervisor.

Really? Why, he asked.

Well, mostly because I want to get you fired for calling me a flogging donkey dick and how I needed to come over to your place of employment and lick your balls before you help me. I might even throw in that you are my gay lover and I was just calling to tell you to get tested. I haven't decided. May I talk to your supervisor now?

Sure enough, he got friendly after that. He wanted to know what my problem was and he wanted to know right......NOW! Needless to say, after our conversation, he transferred me to a tech who promptly did something that has tripled my internet speed. No time outs, no disconnections. Yup, Clearwire gives great service. They just need to be pushed a little.

Now I need to get a hold of Dish Network....