IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO KNOW EVERYTHING...SO STOP THINKING YOU DO!

I deal with people every day. Yes, my candor on this site has a lot left to be desired, but if I do not vent some of my frustrations out in this place, then I am liable to kill someone. In my profession, a mortgage loan officer, I deal with people that think they are smart, but Grandma can take them in a Knowledge Bowl competition. Most, if not all, have purchased some sort of real estate investment program and have all of a sudden become braniacs. They ask all the right questions, in their own minds, but they are usually WAY off.

For example, people in the real estate field work heavily off referrals. It is truly a relationship business. This sucks, mostly because I am subject to kissing realtor ass. Today, it came to a point where I told a realtor, not in so many words, to fuck off. It is bad enough customers think they know what I do, but then throw a realtor in there, that makes more money than God (offer on Heaven pending), thinking that they are looking out for their clients best interest. Some of the things I hear on a regular basis are as follows:

"I can get this deal any where, but I figured I would give you guys a chance to earn my business." - a classic threat, this buyer typically hasn't been anywhere else other than right here in front of me. I have said as much on some occasions, depending on the type of attitude represented by the buyer. If you can get the deal, asswipe, go get it somewhere else. I am busy. I think the honor in working with my company lies strictly with you....that is, if you are worthy.

"I already have a loan with you guys and I don't want to pay any more fees to refinance it somewhere else." - so you want the shit for free? Here , why not lube me up and fuck me in the ass? I don't work for free, and neither does anyone else you will go visit. Instead of finding it an inconvenience that we service your loan, why not thank us for being considerate in fielding all of your stupid fucked up questions in our service department? This loan will cost a lot....sign here.

"I am currently unemployed and looking to refinance my home. Can you help?"- This one is easy. No. They always ask why, but it comes down to the ability to repay the loan we LENT to you. I sometimes have to convince people that the mortgage truly is BORROWED funds, requiring repayment, and since you have not the mentality nor the capacity to REPAY the loan...hit the road.

"Do you guys lend money for manufactured homes?" - ahhh yes...meth labs. No, we don't, and since we are on the topic of buying the only piece of real estate that does NOT appreciate, BUY A STICK BUILT HOUSE! For the love of God, if your home was parked on your lot, it is not worth keeping! I am afraid if I lent the money, then you might tow my security away!This one is the last...and my favorite!

"My credit is pretty good...I don't have any debt." - Yeah, that is because you filed a Chapter 7 bankruptcy 6 months ago, dumb ass. The trustee told your creditors they ain't gettin' shit, just like I am about ready to tell you. Go back to 8 Mile and live with Momma, boy.

Yes, buyers are liars and people are stupid. Sometimes, I wish I could open a lemonade stand and sell Mike's Hard lemonade in it!