Two things this morning aggravated me driving to work.

First, I was driving behind some asshole in a mini-van taking his kids to school I would imagine, and he flicked his spent cigarette out his window. Why? If I were to ask, I am going to say that he doesn't want to mess up his ashtray. Why the fuck not? Your car smells like ass from the smoke so why worry about some smudges on an instrument designed to take the brunt of extinguishing the material? Are you worried your kids might reek of your bad habit when they go to school? I really wanted to follow the guy home so I knew where he lived. Then, travel from bar to bar filling up trash bags with cigarette butts and dumping them all in his lawn. He would wake up, "fgt" in mouth and see the lawn covered with crap. He would then, no doubt would have the audacity to say, "WHY WOULD SOMEONE PUT THESE THINGS IN MY YARD?" I have followed you for a week, prick, and you left these on the road. Thought you needed them back. Stupid bastard.

A local radio station has this phone number you can call to "Confess" whatever you need to confess. First problem, dumbasses call it. Second problem, they play the shit on the air. Two callers in particular irked me. The first was a man who fucked his girlfriends sister while she was out of town. He had hoped her sister hadn't said anything because, "he didn't want to have her hear it from her sister." Hello dweeb-boy, you're on the air. Right now, you're girlfriend has just spilled hot coffee on a McDonald's patron after hearing you just banged her 16 year old sister you sick asshole. Not only is she humiliated, but her employer is now facing a multi-million dollar lawsuit all because your dipstick went into another oil pan. Similar to the adage, don't dip the pen in company ink....STOP FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S FAMILY! The next caller was a woman, dating the same guy for 6 years. Both her and the previous caller started out by saying, "baby....you know I love you sooooooooooooo much." She, like Freud above, screwed some guy when her boyfriend was out of town. She CLAIMS to have never done something like this...and that she was drunk when it happened. Being drunk and fucking around does not make it any better. You know what you did, you just woke up not only regretting it, but most likely with a splitting headache. Worse part is, the baby in her belly is not her boyfriends. So, kick him in the nuts three times in one phone call. I fucked around , but I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU and oh, the excitement you had when I told you I was pregnant...yeah, this isn't your DNA.... Dumb bitch.