Size Doesn't Matter

Yes, this post has everything to do with the size of the male organ. I'll get there, just bear with me.

Have you ever gone to a circus and watched an elephant take a crap? It is like watching mud getting dumped from a dump truck. Carnivals/circuses have people that walk around with snow shovels and 50 gallon trash cans specifically to clean up pacoderm feces. I couldn't figure out why people were walking under a tent with snow shovels until I put my daughter on the back of an elephant for an elephant ride. Good Lord. Willa Wonka has nothing on this "chocolate factory." If an elephant ate corn, would the pieces adapt to their large environment and come out looking like yellow VW bugs? If a goldfish can grow in a big tank, just imagine. Ok, so same thing goes with urine. I would imagine you could attach a hose to the elephant and wander up the mountains extinguishing every forest fire that has devastated acres and acres of forest land. Its almost as if a water tower fell over, and the splash radius of the piss hitting the ground is large enough to compare to Gallagher smashing a watermelon from 100 yards away. if you do not know who Gallagher is, then maybe you should get out more.

So, sitting in the stall in the men's bathroom at work this morning, I was alone and going about my business when I heard the door open. In walks...an elephant. Pretend you are blind, OK? Close your eyes, hear the door opening, feet shuffling, zipper....and then a gush of fluid that dwarfs Niagara Falls going into the toilet. I was taken aback by the noise level. Its like there was a 5-gallon plastic bucket full of water being poured into a swimming pool. I was scared. I mean, the only thing close, in my eyes, to that volume was watching an elephant piss out of a third leg. I imagined a Sequoia pissing next to me. This guy just went about his business, oblivious to the fact he pissed like Paul Bunyan. I honestly feared for my life. I have heard that every 60 seconds, the standard shower head puts out 7 gallons of water. Ok, well the bin in a urinal holds, what? A quart of water, displaced by a waxy hockey puck made to smell like the Redwoods Retirement Facility? Yes, grandma pissed herself and then bathed in rose oil....get over it. Not sure how there was no over flow, but he was in and out in about a minute.

I thought that it was too bad I didn't have a barrel to over the falls in, but I decided that work was more important. Let that be a lesson to you...size doesn't matter. Unless you want to become the 8th wonder of the world. Ladies, I can get the guys phone number if you want.