My Dog is Human

If you don't know what a Weimaraner is, go to www.nevergetthisbreedifyouthinktheyaredumblapdogs.com. I always seem to be adding my wife in these blogs and picking on her about this or that. I do this, well, mostly because it helps me come to terms with things. I love my dog, OK. I think the fact that he has a penis definitely helps us click. I don't have to bark out commands, I just give a little look in his direction. Typically, that would be enough to make him stop doing whatever it is that is making my wife go into labor. For example, dog takes something out of daughter's hand that was just given to said daughter. My wife yells his name, "TAUPE!!" I laugh, mostly because her yelling his name regardless of the volume is accentuating the fact that, yes, the dog knows its name. I, frankly, would not drop it either. He just walks away from the noise because, no doubt, it is hurting his ears.

So then my wife, huffing and puffing, gets off the couch and chases him around the kitchen table trying to get this chewed up piece of fabric (called a 'doll' I believe) out of his mouth. I laugh. Yes, I am laughing at this point because he is toying with her. He is saying, "Oh, you want this here in my mouth? Come over and take it....but do it on THIS side of the table because I am the boss of you and I DECIDE where my punishment will or will not take place." Then he changes is mind, mostly due to the fact he hears heavier breathing. "Over here instead," as he non-chalantly goes under the table and through the woods.

At this point, I have to peak up over the half-wall to see this comedy unravel. I know it is sad, but I am the Alpha male. My wife knows this, and the dog SURE AS HELL knows it. As soon as he came home at 7 weeks, he knew that I ran things. I told my wife that she had better tell him that he is 3rd in charge or else she was in trouble. That didn't happen, and now she is paying the penalty. He doesn't listen because he knows that she will just say whatever it is he is doing wrong again.

"TAUPE, PUT DOWN THAT DOLL.

(No)..

GOD DAMMIT TAUPE PUT IT DOWN...

(ummmmmmmmm...still no)

I SWEAR TO GOD TAUPE IF YOU DON'T PUT THAT DOWN I AM GOING TO...

(What, exactly?)

TAUPE, LEAVE IT!!

(make me)

LEAVEEEEE ITTTTT!!!!!

(maybe tomorrow, but now this is more fun)

HONEY, CAN YOU MAKE YOUR DOG LEAVE THIS DOLL ALONE?!?!?!

**BLOP** (out comes the item not allowed to be teething fodder. Wife looks at me as I sit down behind the half wall.)

I SWEAR, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE LISTENS TO YOU AND NOT ME.

Well, lovey, for the same reason Peyton (almost 3-years old) does, because I don't give her the choice. I am not perfect, I know. My dog will not sit on command for everyone, just for the people he respects....or know how to treat a dog. No matter who comes in the house, he is #2 in charge. If he is around me, he knows that the minute he is out of line, **WHACK**. I belive it is called the FEAR OF GOD. As kids, we only really feared our father's. Peyton doesn't fear me, but she knows I mean business. Same thing goes for the dog. I knew all about Weims before we got him. Therefore, I established the ground rules. It may be too late for the wife, though. She says Taupe needs puppy school. I told her that she should be the one to take him.