Diapers - I had to run and get diapers last night. My wife said, "Just get the cheap kind." Had the store not been closing, I would still be there looking for the "cheap" diapers. To me, cheap SHOULD be defined as I could walk out of the store without paying and people would only wave. In the baby aisle, painted in gold, everything is marked "you wish" where the price normally would be. I thought buying tampons was difficult. THESE ARE DIAPERS! They catch shit and piss. Why do I have to donate plasma so that I have a sturdy shit catcher??? I think the biggest corporate scandal that has gone unnoticed is the rape center known as PAMPERS!
Wipes - These are really not expensive, but the variety is insane. I guess it is like toilet paper to us adults. Scented, unscented, quilted, 2-ply, 8-ply, 30 grit....and the list could go on. Remember, before purchasing wipes, make sure you consider that it is going in an ass....and stop trying to determine which scent would be better. Babies DO have a nice smell. Babies who has just shit themselves will still smell like shit regardless of the Spring Fresh baby wipe you put in their ass crack.
Frozen food pacifier - I don't even know if that is what it is called, but we own one after a trip to Toys R Us this past weekend. It is a plastic handle with a mesh bag at the end of it. It reminded me more of a useless condom than a child accessory. $5 to have a tool in which a frozen banana can be sucked on by an infant to relieve teething pain. What the hell? Why set a precedent of purchasing useless garbage? Children don't know of any alleviation to the pain. As far as they know, it hurts until it doesn't. Anbesol my ass! Give them a shot of brandy and call it good. Oh yeah, we also got a set of replacement bags for another $5 just in case the first bag becomes "tattered." Isn't the whole premise of mesh to BE tattered, therefore maintaining its mesh-like features? Babies piss me off.
Nipples - The disposable nipples now have different flow rates. When they are little, they have slow flow. When they get older, the flow begins to increase, and by the time they are 17, they graduate to a forty-ounce bottle of Old English. When I was a kid, there was one nipple. I mean that in every possible sense, and the liquid came out at the same speed. I had to either suck harder or longer to get nourishment. It is my belief that we are starting way too early on these kids in making their lives easier. The faster the flow, the more you pay. $7.99 for two fast flow nipples. Little bastards.
Burp rags - This is the king of violators. Spend $13 to catch spit up on my shoulder? It is justified by the statement, "you don't want to get your shirt dirty, do you?" Oh yes, you are right. I never want to wash this shirt anyway. WHO CARES???? It is going to get washed, at some point in it's life, why do I need to have a decorative piece of fabric covering my deltoid to prevent spit up from touching my skin? I think people often forget the secretions absorbed during the conception of their children.
Shoes - HOLY COW...$30 for shoes that my infant can have a set of pictures taken in and will grow out of in 17 minutes?? Are you kidding me? Watching feet on my son grow is a lot like watching the sunrise in a time lapse format. They just inch out a little here and there like Pinnochio's nose. I think kids should wear onesies and moccasins until the end of their growth spurts. They might be embarrassed but who really gives a rip? We are paying for everything. My money. My rules. Go put on your burlap nightgown and hit the slab...err...sheets.
Formula - I don't mind spending money on food for my kids. I do mind however, that my 2-year old asks for things she doesn't eat. Do you want
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