Not the Time to be Anal

I am currently working with a couple that are building a house. Nice folks, but anal as hell. We started the process in November and have locked the loan with 4 different lenders. Now to the general public, you might say, "ALL HAIL THE ANAL BASTARDS!" To the general public I say, F*** YOU!

When you lock your keys in your car, you can not UNLOCK the door to get to them. You have to jump through a lot of hoops. People may look at you like you are stupid for locking the keys in there, but they don't have any means in which to help you. So, when you LOCK A LOAN, its locked and can not be changed. However, these people seem to think that we can UNDO the already DONE. Nope, go to hell.

We, as brokers, might have access to 100 lenders, but that doesn't mean we USE all of them. Mrs. Customer is a realtor. Mrs. Customer uses many different lenders to get her buyers into homes. She tells me this as if that is some motivating threat to make me do the impossible. Great, I say. F***ING BRAVO! Pat yourself on the ass and move on Junior! Why do I care?

She says to me: "because THEYYYYYYY can get me a lower rate."


Ok, Barney. Go get it then. Go find a lender that (A) we haven't already locked with, and (B) that gives a shit about you and your hubby's professional resume', because I don't care anymore. I won't caudle under your pseudo-pressure. It doesn't work for the IRS, and it ain't gonna work on me.

Fine.

Right fine....go, where shall I send your shit lady?

Well, I just think it's ridiculous that...

That what? You are asking me for a 5th time to change your lender?!?!?! Let me ask you this. Ever heard of get rich quick schemes? Why not you and I go buy a bag of Coleman charcoal and I will start shoving them in your ass and hanging around while your tight-wad beliefs start producing diamonds. How about that?

Well I never...

Never what? Make up your mind? There is an epiphany for you.

Well I am just going to have to take my business elsewhere.

You promise? Don't tease me now. Are you realllly going to go and make someone's life a living hell like you have mine. Free loan, low interest rate...oh yeah, and for a parting gift, here is the f***ing MOON!

So after this conversation I get a phone call from the husband, regurgitating the same shit his wife just said. I just sit and roll my eyes. blah blah...taking business elsewhere...yada yada...threat, threat. So I interrupt him.

Mr. Customer, are you about done?

Yes.

Good because I have heard this already and frankly, the first version was just as bad. That one gave me a headache and your verbal repetition of everything your wife and I already talked about is going to give me an aneurysm.

Ok.

So my thought is, be happy that I haven't called Jimmy "the Bull" to come whack your whiny asses.

Ok.

Stop calling me every day wondering when we are going to close your loan, and then 48 hours prior asking for a new loan and lobbing empty threats of you taking your business elsewhere



You there?

Yeah.

Ok, and last but not least, have your wife ingest enough cotton to shut her up, look under the sink for a mason jar that contains your balls, check your gym bag for your backbone, and for once in your life SAY THANK YOU!

Ok.

And if you can't find your balls, I'll let you use mine while you administer the cotton therapy.

Ok, sorry and thank you so much for your efforts, they are very apprec...

Buyers are liars and people are stupid!