Neighbors Suck

I have said before, I think anyway, that if I had the choice, I would want to live out in the country somewhere so that I did not have to put up with neighbors. I hate neighbors. They always want to talk about anything and everything. Even if my body language indicates I have no desire to speak to you....there you are, smiling like a Downs syndrome kid, waiting for my attention.My neighbors came home from their two week vacation yesterday afternoon, just about the time my wife, mother in law and two children pulled up to the garage door. Oh how outstanding. Not only are the hands full with Wendy's, wipes and , there are now geriatric zombies roaming toward the car, inquiring about such important things as, "Whatcha doin?" HEY FUCKTARD....my hands are full and I have to feed my children!!! "Oh, well, let me tell you all about my vacation." Listen pops, that is as important to me as me telling YOU all about my bowel movement full of corn....piss off! Thank God I was still at work, lest I would be in jail for murder.

Everyone apparently made it inside, but absence does not make the zombies go away. The doorbell rings, just about the time the dog gets let out of his kennel. So now he is barking, Peyton is whining, Jacob is WAKING, and Sandy (mother-in-law) is wondering who is at the door. It is Elwood, wanting his key back. By himself, Elwood knows when he is not wanted. I have proven that by shutting my garage door in his face, like an upper lip closing during an ELWOOD windstorm. He gets his key, and leaves. My wife thinks this is about done.

Five minutes later, the Mrs. comes over to talk. Apparently, the people she lives with have tuned her out. All the occupants of MY house want at this point is to feed whiny kids and get the dog under control. Nah, fuck that idea.**DING DONG DING DONG**There is Kerol, a humanoid blabber monster. Good God. If anyone needed assisted suicide, it's her. I'll be happy to assist. For five minutes, I guess, she talked about all the boring shit they can do for 3 weeks in a different state. They are California transplants. I usually could care less if they "invade Idaho," as others have put it, but frankly, I want them to go back, BADLY. They went here, they went there, all the while, the dog wants to smell 120 year old cooch like there is no tomorrow, Peyton is crying, Jake is now fully awake and the food that was once warm, is now cooling off. I have said many times that the people that come over to our house that we care about just come in. So, if someone is using the door, I don't care about them.

If it is Ed Macmahon, then I am going to kick his ass in my front lawn and stick the oversized check up his ass. If you ever move next door to me, I apologize in advance for pissing the word "ASSFACE" on your lawn.