Leave Me Be

I am a hunter/gatherer when it comes to shopping. I believe this a predominantly male trait. Not a slam against the female gender at all. Speaking from my own personal perspective, my wife goes to the store for milk and then needs help unloading her groceries when she gets home. I had no idea it took more than one person t unload a gallon of milk. Maybe she got three gallons. Low and behold, the trip to get milk cost well over $100. That’s OK. We needed things. I get it. However, going to the pet store makes for an easy trip for me. I am in and out, typically, without any contact with people in the store, except for the checker. Not this time however.

We have two dogs. One was raised in prison, primarily. Not since he was a puppy, but he was a stray; a runaway maybe from a bad life. He is a Ridge Dog, a temporary “inmate” at Coyote Ridge prison, trained by the inmates there. It is a great program. I imagine, prior to his incarceration, he ate whatever he could to stay alive. Like most strays, he adapted to whatever food he found. His digestive tract is pretty solid. He gets Pedigree dog food. It comes in a 50lb. and it’s cheap. He is healthy, happy, has regular bowel movements with it; all in all, it is a win-win for everyone.
Jack, on the other hand, like most animals with a brachiocephalic face, farts and burps and has the digestive system of an infant. I think English Bulldogs are born with IBS. He is on a grain free, poultry free food. I recently spent $300 when he had the runs to come out of the vet with a diagnosis of “he has the runs.” No Giardia, or any other type of parasite. Frankly, I pull out pieces of plastic from his butt all the time. Sometimes plastic, sometimes fabric of some sort. We once pulled out a dollar bill. I am wondering if any Benjamin’s are in there? I am getting side tracked. Point is, his food is a tad spendy and it does not come in a 50 lb. bag. If it did, I would be broke.

I had a general idea where Jack’s food was. I got the biggest bag my debit card would allow. Then, I was looking for the bag of Pedigree. The unfortunate event was walking too far, and making eye contact with a sales/stock person wearing a Petco bib. I quick turned around and headed back the way I came since she was in the cat food aisle. I found the Pedigree…lifted the bag up and put it in the cart.

**BAM**

There she was. Staring at me.

Stalker (or stocker, you pick) : I noticed you were getting two different foods. Can I ask why?

Me: no

Stalker: I can recommend a different food than the Pedigree brand. That has a lot of fillers in it.

Me: Why do you carry it then?

Stalker:

Me: I am good, thank you.

Stalker: Is there a reason you need a 50 lb bag?

Me: is there a reason you woke up, looked in the mirror and said “I am ready to leave the house now,” because, to be honest, I am not sure you were done with You are going to have their teeth pulled?

Me: As far as you know. Good luck getting that vision out of your PETA head.

I went through and paid for the food, a new puzzle bowl so Jack stops swallowing air and peeling the paint in our apartment. When I walked out to my car, the stalker was looking to see what I was driving. I fear the dog police may be paying me a visit.