Apparently Unemployable

I can't get a job. My thought is that I am apparently not educated enough (since high school Juniors can obtain an AA degree now before they graduate) and do not have anything more than a 2-year degree. I figured FOR SURE, I could get a job at Walmart, even if it was moving something from point A to point B, 300 times at minimum wage. I don't really care what I am doing, as long as it is at night so I continue to go to school, and finish with a Nursing degree. Then I can take care of all of the geriatrics that collapse working at Walmart because they thought a 401K was a breakfast cereal.

I received a call from the manager at Walmart asking if I was interested in employment. Sure, I said, as long as it was at night. He said they were hiring for night staff and put me in touch with a night manager. I called after 10PM, three separate times. Three times I was told I would be called back after 10-15 minutes. Three times I went to bed without a phone call. So I showed up unannounced and spoke with the manager I had spoken to previously. She indicated that she was very busy and that she had my name and number and would be calling me. When, I asked. When she had a chance to check the job requisitions. I wondered if these job requisitions were located close to the International Space Station and she was just waiting for a ride. Honestly, how long can it take? Given her lack of personal hygiene, my guess was she was anxiously waiting to get back to electronics to steal some D-cells and get her vibrator up and running so she could formulate thoughts and complete sentences.

So I compiled a list of reasons why I cannot work at Walmart. More to the point, why I can't get HIRED at Walmart.

1. I have 23 pairs of chromosomes.

2. I have use of both my arms and legs.

3. Too young to be a greeter.

4. I don't involuntarily drool.

5. I am too clean, practicing good personal hygiene.

6. I look better in blue than the managers do.

7. My teeth are straight and could afford ortho care if they weren't, and
would notice the need for ortho care before the stares made it obvious.

8. I have a diploma, an AA degree and the desire to further my education

9. I can spell aisle

10. I don't have bed head

11. I can fluctuate my voice and change the volume based on the type of conversation and proximity of the person I am talking to.

12. I know that a tomato is a fruit, and doesn't just come in sauce

13. I speak English only, which amazes me that I am penalized for

14. I have a more comprehensive vocabulary than monosyllabic words that pertain only to greetings, asking if I found everything OK, and have a nice day.

15. Brains and personality

16. I won't make Walmart my career and am not afraid to tell whomever is asking that working at Walmart is a pass-through to a more promising and more rewarding career in the medical field.

17. Forget to say 'like' and 'um' 38 times during a phone call.

18. Don't have rheumatoid arthritis

19. Know that dogs cannot eat cat food and vice versa.

20. Understands the alarm going off means someone just stole something and would get up to find out why rather than holding the floor down.

These are just a few. I am sure there are more. It is frustrating to be functional, yet dysfunctional to Walmart. It's ironic, actually, that since I am dysfunctional, they won't consider me being that is the dysfunctional kingdom of the world. Whatever....there is always a paper route.