I Won the Nobel Peace Prize, kinda.

I got a call from the Nobel committee early this morning and was told I had just won the Nobel Peace Prize. Thinking it was just another tactic for bill collectors to get a hold of me, I hung up on them and went back to sleep. Of course, when I turned on the Today Show, I saw that the alternate choice, Barak Obama had taken my place. I was furious! If I had just taken the call seriously, I could have had a wicked medallion to hang around my neck. BLING BLING!

I watched President Obama's news conference when he stated he was shocked and in awe of such an honor and was not sure why he got it. No kidding. That was my award. Do you know how much peace I have brokered around the house? Plenty. I have kept the dog off of visitors, my kids from killing each other, my wife from killing me, the dog and/or the kids. I am peace, 24/7 baby. What did Barak do? According to the Nobel committee, there is less world tension since he was elected President. Apparently the committee has not lived in a communal living environment with kids that use walls as easels, or have neighbors that do the Funky Cold Medina at 11:13PM on a weeknight...right below my kid's room. Talk about peace. I jerked the power cord right off of the neighbors wall and threw the stereo equipment in the bathtub. Not only peace was brokered, but also quiet. Where is my medal?

I tried to reason with the committee when I called them back and told them I honestly thought that the call was a prank. I mean, yes, my apartment is in a state of calm right now because of all the deals I have brokered and my paperboy has healed nicely, but I begged for them to reconsider their decision to give the award to someone less deserving to myself. They wouldn't budge. I explained that even NOBLE citizens such as themselves are susceptible to making grievous mistakes and asked if, being of sound body, this could be one of them. They asked "who is this," with a tone of voice so cavalier that I had to reply "the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize."

They hung up.

I know the medal is gold. I wonder if they give out silver ones?