Finally

Ok, so here goes.

Mark McGwire should not be in the Hall of Fame. I think, however, we should forgive him, mostly because no matter how much we chastise him for becoming 200% larger than most humans, he will forever and always have an acne scarred turkey neck. I find it funny that he came out and admitted using steroids. Its like Lindsay Lohan coming out and saying she is a coke whore, or Kate Gosslien's vagina was an Asian Baby Gatlin gun. No shit Sherlock. True, steroids cannot help you hit a baseball, except for the fact HGH makes old muscles and tendons required for the eyes to behave as though you are 20 years younger. Your reaction time is faster, your bat speed is faster, your force is massive compared to, for example, Jamie Moyer. So don't pretend to fool anyone with the statement "I got this gift from the man upstairs." The only truth to that statement is if McGwire was living in the BALCO basement. Remember when Brady Anderson (Baltimore Orioles lead off hitter) hit 50+ home runs one year and then disappeared off the face of the Earth? When you go from averaging 15 home runs and being 6'2" 195 pounds, and having a full head of hair, to hitting 52 home runs, growing an inch and a half and gaining 35 pounds and going BALD when you are in your 30's...there is a good chance that either (A) your were abducted by aliens and probed anally, or (B) you took some sort of performance enhancing drugs. Either way, disappearing off the face of the Earth makes sense.

The Hall of Fame is reserved for people whose performance was so amazing, they were better than anyone else who played the game. Pete Rose gambled. So what? OoooOoooooohhh noooooooo!!! Better ban him for life. Forget he earned the nickname 'Charlie Hustle." Forget the heart during playoff runs. Forget barrelling over a catcher in an All-Star game, playing at 110% even if it was just for show. Forget the fact he is the ALL-TIME HITS LEADER! Yes, let's ban that guy. Let's let Steve Howe keep playing after admitting he snorted more cocaine than Amy Winehouse. If anyone needs a reprieve, it's Pete Rose. He admitted he gambled...GAMBLED. Shit, we all gamble in one way or another. A lifetime ban? Really? Gambling on games, even ones he is playing or coaching in should not require wearing a DOUCHE cap the rest of your life. That should be reserved for special players...like Barry Bonds.

Hey Barry....do me a favor and just come out and admit the clear and cream were not a band in the 70's. Bullshit you didn't know what they were...unless you just like having strange men, or even men you trust rubbing you down with foreign shit. Maybe that is what you are trying to hide. You are as queer as a $3 dollar bill. I know lots of gay people. I have some gay friends. Come out of the closet, bro. It's socially acceptable now. Hell, some gay couples can now legally get married. Stop hiding. Or is it the excessive growth hormone is causing rapid bone growth in your face and head? One size helmet fits all does not quite pertain to you, does it? Forfeit your home run records....all of them. Be a man, the man you claim you are, and atone for being a phuckstick. I don't care who you are. God did not make it possible for an athlete to get better as they get older. You, my friend, can hit a baseball. Fine. That is not being debated. However, you have cheated. If you were in a different country, you would be drawn and quartered; your body strew about the 4 corners and hung in effigy as a reminder that you, to, can suffer from gigantism. Medically speaking it is obvious you cheated. Of course, I can't say the same about Rafael Palmeiro. Unless what he took was supposed to make him look like an accountant or a porn star from the 80's.

We finally got to learn, on the record, on of baseballs largest bodies, and one of the smallest heads, was cheating when he broke Roger Maris' homerun record. That's great you apologized to the Maris family. Not sure what it means. You seem sincere and contrite when speaking to Bob Costas. Although I have to admit, Bob Costas, at least in stature, reminded me of Macaulay Culkin in Home alone. He makes Dr. Ruth seem like the Jolly Green giant. If anyone needed steroids, it's Bob Costas. Not to be libelous, but it's true. Getting off topic here. The next thing you need to do is foreit your homeruns from 1993-2000...all of them. Accept it as your final punishment for cheating. Then, and only then, can you be considered for the Hall of Fame, enshrined in Storage room B as best of the Steroid Era. Hell, you can start, then endorsing Stridex. Just like Tiger Woods can endorse Cialis or Trojan.

Even cheaters can help sell to this consumer driven world.