Where Did My Humor Go?

You ever have a one of those months? How about 3 months? I have been so wrapped up in school, I have forgotten what this blog was all about...RELEASE! If you scan over my blog at all, you will see mostly rants, as advertised, about the mundane. Usually, they consist of the things we want to say but never do. A few things have either happened to me directly or I have been contemplating over this 3 month span that I thought I would bring up, mostly because I can, and minutely because I have a semi-captive audience due to your boredom.

Everytime I see the Drake commercial where he is about ready to bust out his egocentric line "last name EVA, first name GRAYEST," and then backs away from the microphone stating he "just doesn't feel it," I cringe. I know what is coming next. Sprite. Sprite apparently makes you spew out sentence fragments to a beat and makes you rich. It also segments your body in a robotic fashion and enhances memory function. Nothing says refreshing like split facial bones with high fructose corn syrup running through them.

My neighbor right next door recently got a "Labrador retriever" to replace a Rottweiler that had to be put down because it killed a small calf. Yes...it chased down, tackled a small cow. I met the dog once when we moved in. I thought to myself, "that dog is huge! A baby Holstein is gonna get it one day." Sure enough, dead cow, dead Rottweiler. So, they replaced it with this...dog. It was a black dog, but not a Labrador as she called it. It was a mix and she claimed it was going to be used for hunting. First of all, the dog was like a toddler in Toys R Us without a spending limit....or Adderall. It could not sneak up on corpse. It was so bad, it leapt a 6 foot wire fence to check out our yard when they were gone. My dogs went a little nuts. The one time I didn't have a spare jug of anti-freeze. Yes, cruel....terrible of me to say. However, the older I get, the less tolerant I am of stupid people. Secondly, NO ONE in that house should be anywhere near a gun. I don't care if they have taken 8 years of gun/hunting safety classes. I guarantee a Dick Cheney incident the first day out, but on themselves as they point the butt of the gun towards a pheasant. Stephen Hawking would have more luck killing a bird. It's times like these where country living sounds awesome.

I used to think that the people of Walmart website was a joke, a farce created by people with too much time on their hands. I figured some of these pictures were so obviously staged that no WAY could they be legit. Then I went to Walmart at 830AM. They're true...every single one of them. I didn't have my cell phone to capture what I saw, but I saw several people that are painfully color-blind and obviously single. I saw shorts and Santa-laden tube socks pulled up to the knees with mocassins. I saw chainmail armor shawls. I saw Oranges with greens and felt like screaming "IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN CHARLIE BROWN!" I actually thought I saw the crest of Xanthia (from the movie Role Models). The Santa sock/mocassin lady was getting her Xanax prescription filled and it all made sense. One of these circus freaks was toting around a snot filled fleshling, complaining that they needed to hurry so it didn't miss its home school lesson. Future generation people. I think someone needs to care IMMEDIATELY.

Gotta go...the neighbor's dog is on my roof....