Thank You

When I got sick, I had this epiphany that life was short and I should appreciate every day that God gives me. I am not sure I have really done that. People often tell me that I am burning my candle at both ends. I get asked "how do you do it? How do you go to school, go to work and operate on little sleep?" I don't know. I just do. I have to. My delay in finishng my education has left me motivated to finish. I'm driven, I suppose, to not just finish but finish at the top. That is with school. As far as work, I have obligations that I have to take care of. It isn't about me anymore. I have a family to help provide for. I don't regret anything to date except for maybe not having this mentality when I was 15. Maybe doing this now, later in life, will show my kids that they can do whatever they want to do if they put in the work.

When I started my scribe job, my hope was to make some great relationships with physicians who would help me progress in my nursing career. However, it has been so much more than that. I have seen scared kids come in and doctors treating them with such compassion, even through their pain. I have watched more code traumas than I care to, however the nurses are unbelievable. Everyone has a job to do and they do it without hesitating. They are truly miracle workers. It reinforces in my mind that I have made the right choice in what I want to do with my life. At the same time, it is a constant reminder of how precious and uncertain life can be. There are no gurantees of tomorrow. I have always known this, however, it rings home when you are present when death occurs. Not just natural death, either. We can never expect the unexpected. No one can. I pray every day to let God give me just one more day to impact someone's life. So far, He has given me my wish. What happens, though, when He says it's my time, or someone I love? Then what? Does it make me less apt to pursue nursing or caring for complete strangers? I don't think so. I ask myself these questions all of the time. It all comes back to appreciation; appreciating what you have right in front of you while you can.

Money will not give me happiness. Or you. or anyone else for that matter. Not in the long run anyway. If I had a lot of money, I would give it away. I don't want money. I want to heal people. I want to cure illness. I want to provide comfort. I want to educate. I want to research and diagnose. I want to find reasons why disease occurs, and then spreads. I want a patient that I am taking care of to leave my care better off, not just initially but forever. That can be a big hill to climb, but that obstacle will not deter me from trying. One person at a time can be changed. Imagine if everyone thought about encounters the same way. What kind of world would we live in?

I love my family. I love my Mom and Dad who taught me about resilience and perseverance. I love my brother, my silent pillar of strength, whom I know will always be there if I need him. I love my kids. Savannah, my oldest who is growing too fast and reminds me about how time together is short, yet sweet. Peyton and Jacob, even when they fight, I think of how when they get older, they will love each ther unconditionally as I did with my brother. My wife, my rock, our family's life preserver, someone I admire in ways I cannot put into words. I have learned to appreciate them more through the tragedy of death.

Today is the best day of my life. I know this because it is happening now. I can only control what I do today. Tomorrow is not certain. I pray for it, and God often grants me this prayer, and I start over, tring to bring a smile to an unhappy face. I hope, as a practicing nure, that my patients will leave knowing I cared. I hope my family knows how I cannot be successful in this effort without them. Life is like building a pyramid, one brick at a time. it takes the efforts of many to see the final result. Often times we walk on the backs of loved ones to get to the top. I appreciate the foundation that was laid in the beginning and I cannot express enough gratitude of the sacrifices made by the people closest to me as I lay the final bricks. I hope that they will be with me to see the finished product, and I can look into their eyes and say thank you, even if those are the only words I can use to express a fraction of the feeling.

No one gets what they want by themselves. I realize this more and more every day. I just hope I don't forget to say thank you once in a while. I hope you don't either.