Coupons? Seriously?

My disclaimer for this post is this: I know nothing about it. My anger stems from others who use it while I am shopping and know nothing about it. Just because TLC does a show about it doesn't make it an acceptable practice. I believe Sister Wives is a TLC program.

I rest my case.

Coupon shoppers annoy me. It isn't that they are being proactive and wanting to save a ton of money. To me, at least from what I have witnessed, it is an excuse to hoard. Who needs 12 boxes of saltine crackers and 22 bottles BBQ sauce? It seems to me that what you save in money you lose in living space. I am sure its awesome to never have to run out of water, bread, Hershey bars, laundry soap or thumbtacks. That's awesome for you. You saved $50 on a $200 bill? That's efficient and news worthy. It burns when I pee. But I don't go shari...err....you know what I mean? I don't care. You are better than me. I get it. That's fine with me. Just know that when I open my linen closet, there is linen in there, not 38 boxes of Rice mix, 14 jars of Jif and 33 Power Bars and 4 jars of shoe polish. It's hoarding.

The express line is just that...an express line...express, meaning hurry the fuck up and all 3-ring binders are to be kept in your back back. It's not impressive to pull out a binder that has more earmarks than Obamacare. It's kind of annoying. It causes eyes to roll. Then, you apologize which acknowledges the fact that what you are doing is inconvenient to others behind you.

Checker - Ma'am that will be $39.97 (I say ma'am because its a woman doing this. Guys won't coupon shop...too much work. Besides they don't have coupons for beer.)

Coupon magnate - Wait....I have coupons

Checker - you need to present those before you are rung up. Do you see the sign? (points to sign that says present coupons prior to checkout, fuckchop)

Coupon - I just need to get them out (takes out laptop, can of tennis balls, earmuffs, 22 inches of heavy chain link, one sock, a tube top that says 'OK-95,' 18 chapsticks and a swiss army spoon)...here you go

Checker - .50 cents off Depends? You don't even have Depends in your items?

Coupon - Oh sorry not that one....this one.

Checker - Buy one Trident, get the 2nd one at the same price, must buy 400 Tridents? This one? You realize this is a 15 item or less line right?

About this time there are 8 people with 12 items between them about ready to gang rape this woman. Why? She watches TLC and wants to save a buck. In all reality, to each their own. For the record, I don't care it works for you. I don't care to learn about it. I'm not mad that someone else does it and I don't. It doesn't bother me if you know what the hell you are doing. But if you don't, pardon me if I punch you in the vagina. I just need this milk...this one jug of milk so I can be on my way.

Asshole.