Two Minutes

I seem to write a lot about my family. I want to say that I love my family. I love all my kids equally and I adore my wife. That being said, 95% of the time, I wish I was on a business trip. Not because I despise being around them, but there are certain times where being alone sounds pretty good.

I don't need to go "hang with the guys," or retreat to a bar somewhere to find peace. Wives wonder why there is reading material in the bathroom. It is to make hiding from them and/or the little monsters that they wanted to create easier. Bachelors don't have stacks of magazines in their bathrooms. I think I had a Time magazine in my apartment once, brought by my visiting parents one time and left behind in hopes it would sprout friends. Now, I have 3 kids and 80% of my Presidential library is stocked with reading material, all to be read mid-fit by . My wife must think I have irritable bowel syndrome or a bladder infection as often as I go into the bathroom.

Two minutes to most is 120 seconds. To my daughter it is a lifetime. Whatever is requested of her, the response is "two minutes," followed by two fingers being held up. Time for dinner, two minutes. Have to go potty? Two minutes. Go get your shoes...two minutes! Ask her favorite color, and I would bet my life "two minutes" would come out of her mouth. This morning, watching two minutes of Barney turned into a spike in blood pressure. I am beginning to hate hearing "two" and "minutes," either separately or together. Understand, it is easier to turn on entertainment for a child that comprehends animation and mindless musical puppets while taking care of an infant. If some are appalled by the fact my daughter watches 18 minutes of Barney while the other child is being taken care of then PLEASE do me a favor and go for a walk, blindfolded, in the middle of I-84. How dare I allow my child to watch television in the morning? You are probably the proud parents of a 11-year old gamer with arthritis in his thumbs. Feel free to jump off your pedestal....followed by a tall structure with nothing but pavement below.

To a bombardier, two minutes before dropping a payload on, let's say, Hiroshima, means there is an end result. A two minute pit stop in Nascar will get you fired from the pits. Two minute warnings in the NFL are quickly followed by....a commercial, most likely for Enfamil, but then programming will begin again. 800-yard runs have a two minute time frame. What is the point? Two minutes is still 120 seconds, except to a 2-year old, and even then, it still resembles an atomic explosion when two minutes expires.

120 seconds from now, I won't have a migraine, until I get home, and have to count to 120 again!