I am a MILLIONAIRE!

I couldn't believe the email when I got it. It honestly couldn't have come at a better time either. I am a student. Ramen is expensive. You know the drill. Apparently, I had a relative in Malaysia that passed away in 2007 and left ME, of all the other Brackenbury's in the world, $5.9 million dollars. You know the drill. Maybe this is the first time you have seen an email like this but I get them all the time. I have turned down the GDP of China. Most times I leave them alone. Of course, I needed a break from studying the skull. What better way than to mess with a spammer. So I emailed him back.

Dear Mr. Tanesq,

I assume you meant to label yourself an esquire, making your last name 'Tan.' I'm not sure so I made an executive decision and have decided to call you 'waffles.'

I have a problem., Waffles. I am not sure if it is your sentence structure, your grammar or just my abundance of common sense, but my Donald had way more money than $5.9 million dollars. If I recall, he said he was a billionaire, which makes you a big fat liar. Where is the rest of the money, Waffles? That $5.9 million is my annual dividend from my savings account so I don't really need the money. I may have a better idea.

Here is your WAFFLE MUST DO list. First, find the other money. No I won't split it with you. It's mine. I'm American, the EVIL DOOOOOOOOOOOOER, and I'm selfish. Second, have you seen your dog lately? Might want to check around. Dogs disappear all the time. Third, check your email in about 8-10 hours and your dog might pop up in the form of a cell phone video of my toilet. Just saying.....find my money. Lastly, eat a bullet.....at terminal velocity.