I'M 12-YEARS OLD BITCH!

I knew this would happen. Actually, I didn't know this very thing would happen, but I knew eventually that because I am getting older, I have less patience for little kids. I picture myself bent over, aching back from all the years of kissing corporate ass, walking slowly with a cane bitching about the rate of which life passes by. Wearing plaid somewhere below the waist. As times are changing however, I am beginning to think that I shant wait to be hunched over to be pissed off at youth. Now is the time to find a bastard 12-year old boy and kick him square in the balls to limit future procreation of miscreants. Take a trip to a local park, on equipment really made for younger kids.

I guess before I go further I have to give a legal disclaimer: I don't hate all Mexicans....just the ones mentioned in this post. So when I say , "this asshole Mexican, or this fucking beaner....I really do mean to emphasize the word "this." That being said....

My won is climbing up the ladder to go down the slide, and this Mexican kid with his brother go breezing by my son, almost knocking him down to get on TOP of the slide and check for cops...or Iguanas. My son just stares at him, like he normally does when things don't go his way. The Mexican kid looks at him and says, "what the fuck are you looking at," and goes on about looking for the Po-Po. I overheard this and wondered if I really actually heard this kid, playing on playground equipment for 7 -year olds, verbally chastise my son for being dense. I didn't really pursue it much further than that, because my won went on to chase his shadow, or count the cracks in the playground flooring. Insert my daughter....

Peyton is a social-butterfly. She will approach a bank robber holding a hostage and try to make friends with BOTH of them and won't stop until she has succeeded. She has no problem socially. However, she is always in a rush to do something on the playground. Wherever she goes, I always have to make sure that there is not another kid in the way or there will surely be a collision. Insert mini-Mexican, shit-for-brain's little brother. Somewhere, location unknown, there must have been a collision. Little bean starts crying. Big bean hops off his lookout post and says, "hey." Not really specifically knowing she was being spoken to, Peyton went on about her playground business. "hey....girl, I am talking to you." Flashback to The Christmas Story. She crawls into a tube and goes to the middle. He says, "that's right, you know who I am? I am 12-year's old BITCH." Ok, wait a minute. I look around. Where is this little assholes parent? I say parent, singularly, because this type of behavior means there is no mother in the house. There was papa bean, fresh from his parole hearing....3 other kids in tow, tattooed, unshaven, and...no shit, a wife beater on, a walking billboard for the need for chemical castration. He is oblivious, not only to the language, but to the disrespect he gave to a female. I hate that. The minute Jacob disrespects his mother or his sister, he gets discipline, INSTANTLY. Not big bean. Papa bean pretty much let it go on like it was no big deal.

Did I want to beat up a child? No, not really. I did want to shake him off the slide in hopes he would fall. I did wish him bodily harm. I did want to trip him as he ran by, but thought better of it thinking I could be wearing a shank, compliments of Papa Bean, if I did anything to harm the heir to his cocaine fortune. Aside from joining the cartel, I could only consciously dream of the aforementioned happening. You know when you see some kid being an absolute douche bag, you pray that one day, he gets an ass whooping so that he realizes that, in fact, he is not nearly as cool as thinks he is? I spanked my son in front of his daycare buddies because he thought the rules did not apply to him and his cool toddler friends. Must bring down the ring leader, lest the crew runs the show.

I'M 37-YEARS OLD BITCH! Where's my cane?