There Are No Words....

The People of Walmart dot com is the only 100% accurate website on the entire world wide web. When someone says, "you can't believe everything you see on the Internet," I usually pipe in with that one just to stop the madness. I don't really know where this is going. I may not even post it. But what I saw at Walmart today is something I believe, at least for the safety of anyone who reads this, I must point out so none of you make the same mistake.

I don't know much about women's fashion, or men's for that matter, but I do know that when something fits, you probably shouldn't wear it out in public. Of course, if you are making a trip to Walmart to fill the trough, by all means, wear something 10 sizes too small. Yes, I know your husband finds you sexy. You outweigh him by 150 pounds. If you asked, I am sure he would tell you that you looked great in your shorts, that caused circulatory distress in your lower body, as well as lymph fluid build up between your thighs....or is that a....oh man. "SHOULD I CHANGE?" "Oh no, sweetheart, you look hot in a poncho.....and rope belts are in. I heard that on Project Runway. What's that? Oh I know. Heidi Klum is chubby. But she has had 3 kids. You have 33,000 calories a day, and have never visited Alp de Huez, or the sidewalk. I can't turn off the light honey, that's the sun."

You know those contestants on American Idol who say "my Mom and friends all think I am an awesome singer?" They say that out of respect. Both because family is supposed to build your confidence. Friends are supposed to do that too. As are spouses. However, I believe the saying is, if you think your spouse has a sweat ring around her waist band, it's wise to say something. Sweat will build up wear the mushroom cap rests. Just sayin. I believe I saw a loafer hanging out of there with the initials J.R.H. (yes that is a Hoffa joke).

Oh, and if it looks like you aren't wearing shorts because the upper half hangs a bit low, your shorts are too short, regardless of what your husband says. Gravity tells a strong story. As does the Health Department has authority.