Spammers

I don't want Viagra for $4. My wife might want me to want it, but I don't. I don't want $19,000,000. I do but I don't want the nightmare that comes with it. I certainly don't want to meet jennifer21f@yahoo.uk because, as we all know, if it ends in UK, that means her teeth are messed up. That, AND I DON'T NEED CRABS! Neither does my wife, which brings me full circle.

Are there people who really believe the shit that ends up in their spam box? Just today I was asked to meet "anywhere my desire took me," in order to hook up. Thanks to a high fiber diet, my desire took me to the bathroom. Would I still need to verify my age in order to take a dump in my own house? As of noon today, I inherited $109,000,000. All I needed to do was verify my identity and it was mine. This begs the question, didn't you already do that by finding my email address and ask me to help you and your club footed family? For fun, I always reply like a backwoods hick thanking the spammer profusely for funding by defunct moonshine operation and would gladly accept a cashier's check mailed to a PO BOX. It never works. Occasionally I get a response, but it never lasts as the spammer realizes they can't win. "But Eli, they could steal your identity." OK, have it. It hasn't done me any good lately. Knock yourselves out.

When I rented out my house in Nampa, ID on craigslist, I was approached by several out of work models from Canada, picture attached, offering to pay me 12 months rent up front, AND the deposit if I just sent them some information. Knowing it was bullshit, I deleted them, but I had just as much luck with the real people who actually did live there, did not pay rent and trashed the house. Note to future renters, please turn the water off when you decide to move out and break your lease. A flood above the garage makes a mess. Dicks.

It's only Tuesday. I figure by Friday, I should have the GDP of Paraguay waiting for me in a Nigerian desert somewhere. With that kind of cash, I am sure I could afford a firewall that would block these a-holes. Until then, I'll just keep ordering the little blue pill....for my wife's sake.